.

Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

For Appearances Sake

Nicole Richie: On the Run from Death

by

Nicole Richie.jpgSuperfly socialite Nicole Richie appears to be running from death, though I doubt the girl can run much longer.  I’m not sure Nicole could even handle five minutes on the treadmill & it would be a ghastly sight all the same hearing her bones rub against bones.

Despite Richie’s fever for trying to gain weight, The Simple Life, star seems to be doing quite the opposite.  Anytime now that bikini is going to slink down & I’m not sure who’s going to be happy about that one.

Dammit- someone give the poor girl a Big Mac.

{Source}

Ann Coulter & Her Monkey Hands

by

Ann Coulter.jpg 

I’m not making a stab at politics, but right-winger & political pundit Ann Coulter has a physical attribute that’s worth making fun of.

Beware the freakishly long monkey hands of Ann Coulter.  They’re good for grabbing liberals by the neck & showing them the light, I suppose.  Ye gods, they are frightening!

As US Weekly stated, I’m going to try & stifle my snicker next time she argues against the Theory of Evolution, gesturing lavishly with her monkey hands.

Marc Anthony is Ugly

by

Marc Anthony is a Gerbil.JPG

 

OK, I have to come out and say it:  Marc Anthony is ugly.  There’s really nothing left to say.  He looks like a gerbil & I feel like I should put him in a nice, fresh cage with a running wheel.  Does Jennifer Lopez dig the whole gelled up thing?

And according to my pals at Celebitchy, he’s kinda cuckoo too.  How do you go from Ben Affleck- no top ten hottie, but better than gerbil boy- to Anthony?  I don’t know.  Maybe J-Lo just likes her pets.

Scarlett Johansson Wins ‘In Touch’ Magazine Best Breasts List

by

Breast List.bmp

 

 

Editors at In Touch magazine gave Scarlett Johansson’s “irresistible assets” the top prize in their Best Cleavage In Hollywood poll, thanking Isaac Mizrahi’s wandering hands for finding the best boobs in town.

 

In Touch spokeswoman Lindsay Loderstedt stated, “It’s not unusual for Scarlett Johansson to receive loads of compliments on her ample chest but the level of appreciation reached a new high at this year’s Golden Globes when fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi couldn’t help but reach out and touch the 21-year-old’s assets during a red-carpet interview.”

 

How odd, Best Cleavage In Hollywood poll, eh?  Well, I’m looking forward to the Best Dick in Hollywood poll myself.

 

Best Cleavage In Hollywood 2006 Winners:  (Boobs in winning order)

 

1. Scarlett Johansson

2. Jessica Simpson

3. Salma Hayek

4. Halle Berry

5. Jessica Alba

6. Tyra Banks

7. Jennifer Love Hewitt

8. Rebecca Romijn

9. Lindsay Lohan

10. Brittany Murphy

 

{Source}

 

Eva Longoria #1 Maxim Hottie, Again

by

Eva Longoria.jpg

Desperate Housewives Eva Longoria has scored again.  Longoria remains the number one hottie in Maxim’s annual Hot 100 list for the second year running.
 
Maxim’s list names the most beautiful & successful women in film, TV, music, sports & fashion, or as they put it, those who have “a tremendous amount of buzz surrounding them, undeniable beauty and a promise of greater things to come.”

Eva Longoria is the very first to receive the top hottie spot back-to-back. Which either means she’s the sexiest woman around or the girl knows her way around a bribe.     

Longoria was ecstatic with the honor saying, “I was actually really shocked last year when I made the list and then to get it a second time in a row–I just couldn’t believe it.”

Here’s a sneak peak at the top ten Maxim hotties:

Notable omissions on this year’s list include Britney Spears– gee, I wonder why; new mom & Scientologist in-training Katie Holmes; Jennifer Lopez– if your husband grabs himself more than he does you, I think you get the boot & Salma Hayek– she’ll always be in my top ten.

Longoria’s Desperate Housewives co-stars Nicollette Sheridan & Teri Hatcher also made the list with Sheridan at #48 & Hatcher weighing in at #73.

Longoria adds, “I would have voted all of our Housewives on the list.”  Eva’s thought process on that one- “I would make Nicollette #99 & that evil bitch Teri at #100.”

Eva states that her beau Tony Parker is thrilled with the top hottie news, “He’s very proud. He thinks he’s with a beautiful girl every day, so for him, it’s you know, someone else solidifying what he already thinks.”

Sure, like a mirror or a set of eyeballs wasn’t enough.

Take a detailed peak at the full list here.

{Source}