Breakups & Goodbyes

All I have to say is this:  What more can you expect from Kevin “K-Fed” Federline?  Following estranged wife Britney Spears’ divorce petition Wednesday, Kevin Federline has quite quickly filed his own petition against the 24-year-old pop star.

28-year-old Federline & his lawyer Mark Kaplan filed a divorce petition in a Los Angeles Superior Court Wednesday, man that place was busy yesterday! 

What is K-Fed asking for?  Why, he’s asking exactly what Brit is asking for, what would you expect?  Kevin is asking for sole physical & legal custody of 1-year-old son Sean Preston & 8-week old son Jayden James.  He goes on to ask that the courts only award Spears visitation rights with her children and that she pay his attorney fees as well as spousal support.  Because K-Fed has gotten right used to the life Britney’s been providing him.

This is going to get really messy, and I mean Jerry Springer messy.  Let’s just hope they can keep their clothes on & their dignity around, although I fear this is a lot to ask.  I just hope that Britney’s prenuptial agreement as as rock-solid as they’re saying it is.  So glad you went with that prenup, Brit.  A smart move amidst a bunch of really bad ones.

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Well, it that was fast, and hopefully the whole thing will be almost painless.  On Wednesday 30-year-old Reese Witherspoon filed for divorce from 30-year-old husband Ryan Phillippe.  I told you, it’s the end of an era.

Witherspoon filed for divorce in a Los Angeles Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for her application. 

What Reese is asking for:  Joint legal custody of 7-year-old daughter Ava and 3-year-old son Deacon, however Reese is asking for physical custody and is willing to grant Ryan visitation rights.  Witherspoon goes on to ask the courts to block any attempt by Phillippe to seek spousal support & asks for “exclusive use of the family residence.”  As the couple does not have a prenup, oops, the earning will be divided up 50/50.  What a damn shame for Reese.  A damn shame.

Witherspoon lists the date of separation as October 30 and signed the actual divorce papers on November 7.  Way to celebrate voting day, it looks like everyone is looking for a little change this year.  

Ahhhh, the end of an era, the end of innocence, the end of Reese & Ryan. 

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The night before pop star Britney Spears filed for divorce from estranged husband Kevin Federline, People caught up with the “rap” star in Toronto.  Here’s that interview now, I have taken the small liberty of adding my interpretation.

People: You’re on this huge promotional tour – and you’re alone. Is it to set yourself apart as an artist or because Britney is with the kids? [Are you sure you have the talent to go on tour?]

Kevin: Of course, and the kids are too little. I don’t want to bring the little one on the road, especially. There’s no pictures of him out there yet or anything like that so, I really try to keep them as safe as possible.  [Especially since Brit doesn’t trust me around them.]

People:  You’ve said that you and Britney have a fiery relationship. What makes you guys work?  [How in the hell did you land Britney damn Spears, you imbecile?]

Kevin: She’s the spice and I’m kinda like the sweet in it. I’m the laid-back person. She’s always hyperactive and running around crazy and I don’t know, it just works. I calm her down and she speeds me up.  [Yeah, that’s the weed talking, K-Fed.]

People:  So, would you say you’re misunderstood?  [You are completely & irresponsibly stupid.]

Kevin: Definitely, definitely. We are, we are. I mean, that’s the way it is. I don’t know why it’s that way, but that’s what they do to us. It’s all right. We don’t care cause we’re happy.  [I have no idea what you just asked me, dude.]

People:  Does she support you?  [How much is your allowance, Kevin?]

Kevin: She supports me. I support her. I mean, you know, it’s simple. It’s one word. And that word is love. And I got a lot of love for her.  [Britney gives me a lot of damn money, for sure.]

People:  Plus you guys have a new family.  [You were able to spread your seed with Ms. Spears, were you not, you big, lucky redneck retard?]

Kevin: That’s what I mean. We’re a family. It’s cool. It’s great.  [Yeah, she’s a great bang, not as good as some, but still pretty tip-top.]

People:  Is it hard being away from them?  [Does Britney even come see you while you’re on tour?]

Kevin: Man, it is hard. It’s hard. I mean, I’ve got a little bit of experience in it, you know, I’ve had to be away from my other kids, so having to do that I really know how it feels. When it gets to me I think about them and know I’ll be there soon.  [Child services sometimes takes the kids away from me, so I’m used to that, man.]

People:  Are they going to join you eventually?  [Are you able to be within 30 feet of your “family”?]

Kevin: Possibly. I’m not sure.  [The jury is still out on that, and I mean that all literal-like.]

People:  Are you in touch?  [With reality?]

Kevin: Of course. Well, she’s recording now too so that’s why it’s gonna be real hard. [To try & get my fine ass on that album with her.]

People:  Have you worked with Britney on her album? ][Has Spears let your untalented, skinny self anywhere close to her recording studio?]

Kevin: I haven’t done anything with her yet. There’s been talk about it but we’ll see what happens. [That bitch has yet to ask me to lay down tracks with her, she just doesn’t recognize talent.]

People:  So, throughout all your crazy touring, you’re the laid-back one. Do you need Britney to pep you up?  [Are you getting all the sex you need from your misinformed groupies, you bastard?]

Kevin: Sometimes, not too much. I like being this way. It’s real hard to get me out of this element. If I was very high-strung, I probably would’ve knocked a few people out by now and you know, you would have seen a bad side of me that probably, hopefully I’ll never show.  [No, I’ve got all the “pep” you need, if that’s what you wanna call it, man.}

People:  Because you guys are so different, do you fight?  [Do you ever lay a hand on her, you monster?]

Kevin: Of course. We’re people, like, it’s like any relationship. We have our ups and downs and we work through everything that we possibly can. If we can’t work through it, we drop it and that’s where it stays.  [All the time, and sometimes two!]

People:  What would you say to critics who knock you guys? [What would you say to those who live a life in reality?]

Kevin: I’m happy. I don’t care what other people say or think. I’m happy. I’m blessed. I’m proud of my life and that’s it. That’s all that matters. [Hitler was once happy too.]

People:  So how does it feel to have a new baby, a new album, and more?  [Are you even able to look beyond yourself, you redneck?]

Kevin: I feel great. I feel like I’m on top of my game right now. I’m very, very involved in every aspect of my life right now and I’ll make sure I keep to it. [This is how we do it…]

People:  How’s your personal life?  [Have you received any text messages yet regarding a divorce from your wife Britney Spears?]

Kevin: We’re good. Like I said, we have our times and our spats and all that stuff, but other than that we’re good. It’s a lot of hard work, but we knew it was gonna be that way and we’re dealing with it day to day. [No, man, not yet.  Umm, why do you ask that question?]

People:  With lots of communication?  [Are you sure you know your marriage?  I feel there is a text coming any minute now…]

Kevin: All the time, all the time. It’s not like we fight or anything all the time. It’s just, you know, it gets tiring when you’re up all night with the kids and you gotta go to work the next day and me and her have to learn to find time for me and her.  [I gotta make time for me, yo.]

People:  Have you been doing that? [Have you been able to find your ass from a hole in the ground?  I hear monkeys can do that, can you, Kevin?]

Kevin: We haven’t been able to do it lately. I think that that’s part of the problem but we’ll be all right. We’ll be fine. I talk to her all the time. She can’t wait for me to get home. [I have no idea where Britney was last night, man.  Was she with you?]

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