The Oscars Overwhelm No One

The only surprising event for Oscar night 2006 was Crash receiving the award for Best Motion Picture over the highly anticipated nominee Brokeback Mountain as well as the fact that I made it to the toilet to puke and I didn’t fall asleep this year.   

Here’s a little breakdown of the highlights:

• Best Actor:  Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote
• Best Supporting Actor:  George Clooney in Syriana
• Best Actress:  Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line
• Best Supporting Actress:  Rachel Weisz in The Contant Gardener
• Best Animated Film:  Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
• Best Foreign Language Film:  “Tsotsi”
• Best Motion Picture:  Crash

For a more detailed and full account of the winners and nominees, please see http://www.oscars.org/78academyawards/nomswins.html.

John Stewart was a welcome and refreshing host of the annual event, although I’m still left pondering why he accepted this role.  In a very Daily Show approach, he broke the endless movie montages (did anyone else want to go to sleep?) with campy advertisements for the nominees.  In one advertisement the scene is set by an elderly, white married couple sitting at the kitchen table discussing the fact that Best Actress should be awarded to a nominee with an American name like Reese Witherspoon, not by the likes of folks named Felcity, Keira or Charlize.  Pretty cute stuff and it looks like the faux advertisement paid off for Witherspoon.

I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom with my projectile vomit after hearing Reese Witherspoon’s acceptance speech.  “I’m just trying to matter, and live a good life.”  It’s almost too sweet, but then you realize you are not only listening to the star of Legally Blonde, but also Legally Blonde II.  But Reese will cut you, so I better watch what I say.

And speaking of which, did anyone happen to catch that John Stewart scientology joke?  I can just see Tom Cruise now looking around the audience to see who laughed and adding those names to his ‘I’m going to get you, sucker’ little black book.

My highlights:

• My heart went out to the shaking, stammering elderly actress Lauren Bacall.  I’m pretty sure the preemptive movie montage spared her more embarrassment.  I won’t be surprised if I read she overdosed on pills after that performance.  I think she has reached the totaled-out phase of her acting career.
• Morgan Freeman is the man.  He can trip over words, stumble into a wall- but the 68-year-old actor can pull off seasoned gray hair, a pair of earrings, and an oxford shirt with a tuxedo.  I pay homage to this man.
• I’m not sure who decided to make Frances McDormand, Joel Cohen’s wife, look homeless.  But they did a good number on her.  Perhaps the North County role went a little too far into her psyche.

Lesson to be learned from the 78th annual Academy Awards:  Go to the movies, dammit and leave the DVD’s for uncaring, insensitive, cheap and lack-of-character assholes.

Stay tuned for the 26th annual Golden Raspberry Award Winners post.