Linda Lovelace

In the ongoing saga of all that is Lindsay Lohan’s life, she’s now claiming that someone stole her passport in Cannes, where she’s been attending the film festival. TMZ says that she has an US Embassy appointment to set things right, but that’s tomorrow. There was also the mention of the volcanic ash cloud keeping Lindsay and other air travelers delayed in Europe.

Maybe it was Indrani, the photog whom some people are claiming is LiLo’s new lesbian cougar lover — but which Lindsay denies. Regardless, this means three pending strikes against her when she does make it back to an airport in the United States: (1) not completing all of her traffic/ alcohol education classes; (2) not doing them with a certain frequency; (3) not making her court appearance Thursday of this week.

She may have gotten good grades for her classes, but the plain fact is that she’s missed them. And since the judge presiding in her case, Marsha Revel, is apparently ready to issue an arrest warrant, and the prosecutor saying LiLo should go to jail, things are not looking to good for her. And all this for what? Partying it up in Cannes but supposedly to get backing for her possible role as porn star Linda Lovelace? This is a role she’s apparently not confirmed for, depending on whom you ask. What’s more, the guy who owns the rights to the porn star’s moniker has even approved the use yet.

Does LiLo never learn? And you thought blondes were dumb. Lindsay is single-handedly reducing the average IQ of redheads everywhere. And seriously, what’s with the Plastic Vampirella look these days? I prefer the wholesome redhead she once was.