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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Maggie Grace is exactly that

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I loved the movie Taken. It was easily one of the best action movies of 2009, however there was one glaring problem with it. Maggie Grace was simply unbearable in it. Watch the movie again and focus on any scene when she has to run. She doesn’t pump her arms, she keeps them at her side as though she is back to caveman status.

With all of that bashing being said, if she looked like this in the movie I would’ve considered her the star. Does that mean I only focus on the looks of a person when it comes to their acting abilities? Possibly, but I won’t let you know that unless you beat that out of me. What’s that you say? I already told you? Wrong, you read what you want to read, but that isn’t what I am saying.

You see the way Maggie is looking at you right now? She understands your lying ways. She is the grace upon which all other graces shall be measured and you don’t measure up to this grace because she is the Maggie of grace. I’m not sure how you can get that twisted, but you did.

She is a great actress because she is beautiful. Does she speak? I’m not sure. Who cares. Maggie Grace, please just don’t run in movies anymore.

Monica Bellucci to turn beautiful in 2010

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Monica Bellucci

Bellucci was born in Città di Castello, Umbria, Italy, the daughter of Maria Gustinelli, a painter, and Luigi Bellucci, who owned a trucking company. Bellucci started modelling at 16, when she was attending the Liceo classico. Initially pursuing a career as a lawyer, Bellucci modeled to pay her tuition at the University of Perugia, but the lifestyle tempted her away from her law studies. She speaks Italian, French, and English fluently, Spanish semi-fluently, and she has had speaking roles in each of these languages as well as in Aramaic for her part as Mary Magdalene in The Passion of the Christ.

Wikipedia

I blatantly quoted (aka stole) this content from Wikipedia not because I couldn’t think of anything to say about Monica, but because I know a little secret about her that you might not know. She is going to finally turn into a beautiful women in the year 2010. You see, I know everyone in the world has been waiting for the day she would turn beautiful and with her being 45 years old, the world has been waiting a very long time.

However, the wait is over very soon because next year it will happen. I expect it to be a spectacle like no other, greater than the Olympics. It won’t be as great as the day that I lose my virginity though which will happen next year as well, the day before Monica turns beautiful. I’ll be damned if she ever outshines me. She doesn’t have it like I do.

Zooey Deschanel is Blonde

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Zooey Deschanel

One of the breakout stars of 2009 for sure and one of those women that you are almost forced to like because there is nothing wrong with her to the naked eye. Not sure she is pulling off the blonde do, but you have to admire her ability to take a chance.

I remember when a girl I used to date went blonde and it made it her look like a starfish. How in the hell could someone start to look like a starfish? You just have to trust me on this one. I went through over 300 different animal species to try to find the right one that she looked like and the closest one I could come up with is a starfish. I was leaning towards a duckbilled platypus for a bit there, but after a while it dawned on me she was the spitting resemblance of a starfish.

Now this might make you think you now have the right to make chocolate starfish jokes. Well don’t, they are inappropriate and they have no place here. None.

Sicko.

Emma Watson, I think her face is stuck like that

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I like Emma, she makes the Harry Potter movies bearable, but is there ever a time you see her with a different face? I’m afraid she might be one of those mono-faced actors that you hear in stories of yore a long time ago. Then again does she need to have another face? She is worth a couple trillion dollars now, never has to work for the rest of her life and is guaranteed a couple more roles for at least the next 5 years based on her fanbase alone.

Hell, that is the face of someone who is laughing on the inside at the rest of the world and we just don’t know it yet. On the other hand you have Daniel Radcliffe is who always smiling, but crying on the inside because he will never be seen as anything more than Harry Potter. He is the Urkel of this generation and what is sad is that he is actually talented.

So when you see someone walking around with the same face that Emma dear is presenting here, walk away slowly and make sure to never make eye contact with them again as it will lead to very bad things for all.

Courtney Cox is the MILF of the Day

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You may think that I am just posting pics of celebrities up on this site and writing a bunch of nonsense about them without even providing you with the gossip that you so cherish to make your life complete. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you read each article closely you can see the gossip that is hidden underneath. You see dear audience, I value your intelligence and feel that in these times of slow news releases that I must keep your mind fresh with the challenges that are offered through my genius.

So you see the picture of Courtney Cox above and read what I have just written and surely you are thinking to yourself that this jackass has no idea what he is talking about. I can understand that and so I must help to guide you along to find the true gossip being held here. Do you see the deep stare that Courtney is entrenched in? The reason she is in that deep of a stare is because she just got into a fight with her husband. Now this really isn’t gossip because everyone gets into fights, but the gossip is actually over what the fight was about.

You see, David Arquette really isn’t attracted to Courtney Cox in that way and she only married him for the name, although I think she overestimated the Arquette dynasty. The fight was over the naming rights of their new panty line. Courtney was looking for a traditional feminine name, while David wanted a masculine name because he felt it was time for men to get their dues when it came to women’s underwear.

As you can tell by the pic, she lost. Look for Dingo Dans to come out in Spring 2010.