.

Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Lady Gaga is The Weird of 2009

by

Lady Gaga

I don’t like to stoop down to the level of other celeb gossip sites by posting nude or erotic photos of celebs. However, can you really call these pics of Lady Gaga erotic? I mean she probably sits like this all the time. She has actually set herself up really well for 2010 because if you think about it is there anything that could happen to her next year that would surprise you?

Another reason why she is the Weird of 2009 is because she has the angle disorder. You don’t know what the angle disorder is? Well let me take the time to explain. You know certain women look good when you glance at them and yet when you see them again they just aren’t looking as good? Lady Gaga has that disorder unfortunately more and more she is starting to go towards the bad looking side.

I mean she really is…damn I forgot what I was going to say because I was looking at her pictures. I’m perplexed by her. Oh I know, she is really starting to feed into her own “I’m totally psycho and I can dress however I want” vibe that she throws around, but I mean there has to be a limit.

Congrats Lady Gaga, you have baffled me throughout the year while I jam out to your tunes. I look forward to more baffling by you in 2010.

Jake Gyllenhaal, because I have a heart

by

Jake Gyllenhaal

You may think that I am a cruel man. For weeks I have been holding the interests of our male heterosexual readers and our female homosexual ones by focusing on female celebrities. Today I promised myself that I would end it with a male celebrity, but it isn’t my call if these pictures are of a hot man. I’ll leave that up to the men out there who are playing for the other team.

You are saying I can judge the attractiveness of a man even if I am not gay? I’m not sure what rule book you are following buddy, but in my world we don’t do that. Nope, in my world we don’t notice the the strong jawline or soft eyes of Jake. We don’t envision him holding us gently by the fireplace. Those things just don’t happen in my world.

If you accused me of such things then I would personally find Jake, rip his shirt off to show his sparkling six pack and bulging biceps and make him duel me in the petroleum jelly filled ring with only our underwear on. I wouldn’t want him to hide any weapons that he would have to use when he finds me kicking his ass. To further his humiliation I would sit on his face and laugh then make him kiss me on the lips to not only prove that I am comfortable with my sexuality, but that no person has control over me.

So watch what you say. I’m all man baby.

Mila Kunis will be a top 5 star next year, you heard it here first

by

Mila Kunis

After watching her for years on That 70’s Show you knew Mila Kunis had some wonderful comedy chops, but little did you realize she was going to come around and turn into a wonderful actress overall. Well, in 2010 the world is going to recognize her talents. We will get to see her in no less than three movies and one of them is a movie I have been anticipating for a while, The Book of Eli.

She is sex and like Halle Berry shares the same birthday as me so you know she is going to be a star. Now someone just needs to arrange a date with her.

Also fun little fact, I was supposed to play her boyfriend in Max Payne, but they edited out my part because I saw Max and brought too much pain. Get it? No? Go to hell.

Hi Mila. Great pics.

Simon Monjack says there was no drug overdose, of that nature

by

81446-brittany-murphy-tt-collection-popup-party-12.jpg

If you are a celebrity and you die at a young age, the words “died of natural causes” just don’t appear. For this reason you can’t blame the media and public questioning how Brittany Murphy could die at such a young age. Her husband however is not too pleased with this type of questioning.

“My wife did not take anything on the morning of her death that would have caused her to be sick or ill, let alone die. It’s beyond even the sickest speculation,” he told the Daily News.

Daily News

I hate to be a cynic because I am a nudist, but you have to wonder what really did happen with her. Do you believe him or was he just that unaware of what his wife was doing? Maybe he slipped her the poisonous kool-aid and I would hate to think that is the case.

I hope this gets resolved quickly so we can focus on what a wonderful life she had instead of focusing on the gossip behind her death. I’ll keep all of you updated as I hear more, but I’m not too sure anyone wishes to call me. I don’t accept collect call charges.

Anna Friel needs to return to the Land of the Lost

by

94015_Anna_Friel_leaving_the_Haymarket_Theatre_in_London__Dec222009-002_122_413lo.jpg

I’m going to tell you the worst movie of 2009. You will not argue with me because I am correct in my assessment. That movie was Land of the Lost. It was trash. It was filth. It made a mockery of the movie industry like no other movie besides Citizen Kane. The only redeeming quality of the movie was that Anna Friel was in it and she was banging. So you have to imagine my surprise when I saw her last night leaving my neighbor’s place looking like this.

This isn’t the Anna that I had grown to love over the summer. No, this was some other woman that was nothing like the one that carried that epic failure of a movie. Had she made the mistake of actually seeing the movie herself? I hope not because if so, she is lucky to only come out looking like this.

I’m not only having a hard time writing this entry because I can’t wait to see what my ex-wives got me for Christmas, but because I’m trying to figure out how many different pieces of human beings were used to make her face. She wasn’t born with that face. I just can’t believe it. She had to have surgery on it. A Frankenstein like surgery that combined the best pieces of ugly people. Big mistake Anna, not as big as the movie, but big anyways.

Oh, and if I see you leaving my neighbor’s house again without visiting me first, I will make you do Will Ferrell movies for the rest of your career. Don’t try me.