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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Ellen Pompeo Lost Her Butt This Holiday Season

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Although she ruined Old School I like her as an actress. She has class and style and a strange beauty that draws me towards her, but what is she wearing? I know not everyone is blessed with the ass of an adonis like myself, but shouldn’t you at least try to wear jeans that show there is a butt attached to your lower back? Maybe she isn’t putting money into a parking meter, but a machine that adds some meat to the buttocks region.

You would think that they have such machines in LA. You actually get tickets in LA for not using the machines to enhance your figure. They call them “you need to look good” tickets there. Screw parking tickets.

Back to Pompeo. Nah forget about it, I really have nothing else interesting to say about her. Not sure if that is a slight against my imagination or her personality. I guess that is a good thing for her. She still has a job, but is boring enough that not too many people bother her or write about her.

I wish I lived that lifestyle, but I can barely step out of my house before 1000s of people are asking for a strand of the hair on my back.

Bar Refaeli is oh so yummy

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Bar Refaeli

Although we gave Miranda Kerr the title of model of the year it doesn’t mean there wasn’t anyone challenging her for the spot. Bar Refaeli used to be known as the girl that dated Leo DiCaprio, but now she stands alone on her own merit. Not often do people standout on merit alone, but when your merit is a 35-25-25 body with a freckley cute face then well your merits are pretty great.

Over the weekend I was able to do some thinking and all of it surrounded dating models. We see these gorgeous women and we don’t realize how great the stylists behind the scenes are. So you meet one of them out, things go well and you start dating, but they just don’t have their stylists around them all the time. Do you get frustrated because you get to see the normal face while the world gets to see her at her best as much as you do? I think you do get a little frustrated.

Then you see her model friends all done up all the time and maybe you start to waver in your affection for your model girlfriend. It all ends badly and the next thing you know you are at a bar drinking with Leo trying to understand how it all went wrong.

Am I insane for thinking like this? I believe so, but you have to be insane to deny dating a model no matter how insane they are and you know they are crazier than the people writing on this site.

All of the above was probably the most irrelevant drivel I have ever written.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Bar and Leo are now back together. This really destroys my logic in the entry.

Taylor Swift is the Upcoming of the Year

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Taylor Swift

This might be ridiculous giving her this title, but she really has earned it. What does the title mean? If you have to ask you will never know is what I say.

Anyways, did you know she was born in Wyomissing? Seriously, I kid you not, that might be the coolest city name ever. It’s one of those words that when you say it people think you are mocking them and they start to get testy.

Where you from?

Why yo missing son.

WTF did you just say to me?!

Why yo missing boy.

That’s it Taylor Swift, your ass is grass!

(Begins to make out with Taylor)

That’s how we do beat downs in my town. We make out with the person and therefore all beat downs happen to women. My lips are filled with battle scars from the many scuffles I have gotten into, but when someone wants to talk the noise they gotta be able to back it up. If they can’t, well then you just have to take care of business.

Congrats Taylor on winning an award from Celebrific that has no meaning. You deserve it.

Cheryl Cole Rocks

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Cheryl Cole

She is British and she sings. Usually I would consider that formula enough to justify me sleeping with her, but with 2010 fast approaching I have decided to up my standards. Now a woman must do a photoshoot in fake rain for her to catch my eye. Luckily, for Cheryl Cole she fulfill these duties and then some.

Can you believe tomorrow is Christmas? I still have to head out and finish my shopping. It’s like heading out to a bar solo. You know it’s okay to go because there will be other losers drinking by themselves as well at the bar. With last minute Christmas shopping you know you are just one of the many idiots who waited till the last minute and it is refreshingly soothing.

I would buy presents for all of my fans on this site, but I can’t because I just don’t like you. You aren’t worthy of bad ties, fake cologne and gift cards to Victoria’s Secret. Maybe next year when we get to know ourselves a little bit better and you send me some naked pics, but until then I just don’t see it happening.

Either way, here is my mini-gift to you: pics of a Cheryl Cole spread. I know you didn’t expect anything, but I like to surprise my people.

Get some Scrooge face.

Miranda Kerr is the Model of the Year

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Miranda Kerr

Here is Miranda Kerr in Jack magazine. I am declaring her the Model of the Year and if you know anything about MrAlmostWrong it is that he is MrAlwaysRight when it comes to declaring models of the year. My track record is impeccable. For the last 15 years I have chosen Tyra Banks as the model of the year and look at how far his star has risen. She even has the best show on television.

Who am I kidding, you aren’t even reading these words that are flowing off the page like Kool-Aid falls off the chest of a marsupial in the Amazon rainforest. I know usually I stay on track and focus on the topic at hand, but this time I don’t have to because you aren’t reading it. So let me think about what I should talk about freely in this space.

I saw Avatar the other day and all I could think about was that Zoe Saldana was the voice of one of the big blue things. For some reason that made me mildly attracted to the blue thing and I kept on asking myself if that makes me some kind of freak. I don’t think it does, but don’t people always say such things when they are trying to avoid the obvious?

So um yeah, ignore the above paragraph and focus on the pics below.