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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Holly Madison celebrates her birthday

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Holly Madison

On my next birthday I will be sure to have a photographer follow me around and I will do annoying poses while the onlookers get jealous. Maybe you could suggest what poses I do. If you see a woman like this in the club and she is acting crazy simply because it is birthday do you stare, ignore or join in on the fun?

I would join in on the fun because I am not one to shy away from a great photog opportunity. Yes, I said photog because that is what we say in the industry. If you didn’t know that then obviously you aren’t in the industry and if you do believe you are in the industry, well I guess you shouldn’t be.

And let’s talk about the fact that Hugh Hefner had his penis inside of her. How do you continue to live with a smile after having done something like that? is it really some woman’s dream to grow up and finally have sex with a 100 year old man? How awkward must it be to be one of his girlfriends and all of you stare at each other in the nude playing paper, rock, scissors trying to figure out who gets to ride the old pony next.

In this scenario is it best to get it out of the way or attempt to be last because you know he can barely go half a round let alone three of them? I am going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

Katy Perry is the most outrageous outfit of this year

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Katy Perry

You would think that with Lady Gaga winning the weird of the year that she would also win the most outrageous outfit of the year, but she doesn’t. This prestigious award goes to Katy Perry who I am pretty sure will not make another hit record for as long as she lives.

Add to the fact she is with Russell Brand and all I see is failure happening to her in 2010. And why is it every time she shows up the attention is brought to her breasts as if she has the greatest pair on planet Earth. I just don’t see it. She wears some great pushup bras and that seems to be the extent of it all.

So what, you kissed a girl and you liked it. I kiss a girl all the time and I like it, but I don’t go around bragging to everyone I know because it happens. Maybe I should create a song for every spectacular thing that I do.

I made a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and I liked it. I avoided running over that stray cat and rammed my car into a tree breaking my ribs and I didn’t like it. Last week I found a spiderweb with a very cool design and thought I saw the face of Bette Midler in it, but I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not.

Expect to see all of these hits coming to your iPod next year. I can already smell the money rolling in.

Zoe Saldana Has 4 Nipples

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Zoe Saldana

I’ve already commented on her skinny behind, but now there is something even more important that I need to bring up. I think she really is an alien because if you look closely around her belly button she has two nipples. For all you math majors out there that means she has four nipples total like an alien would.

Another theory I have is that she was abducted by aliens and to better the human race they implanted these extra nipples on her. The reason she is so skinny is because if you have four people sucking the milk out of your nipples at once, it is impossible to hold weight.

Okay, maybe that was going a bit too far, but you can’t say that you aren’t picturing that now. I certainly am. God, I need to get a life because my insanity is starting to reach epic levels. Epic levels.

Either way, she is going to marry me and if we don’t have quadruplets then I am not sure how we are going to handle the quad-nipple situation. We can work through it together because that is what couples do.

We are happy and by ‘we’ I mean me. I am happy because I actually talked about a celebrity for a whole entry without deviating into some random dribble that you don’t care about.

What? That last paragraph had nothing to do with Zoe? Of course it did because I mentioned dribble which is the pet name I have for her. Once again, don’t judge me.

Eva Mendes In Russian Elle

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Eva Mendes

Here is Eva Mendes in the Russian Elle. I always wondered why they had different versions of magazines and why most of them are ten times better than the American versions. I know we are more prudish in America, but that is no reason to leave us with the boring photo spreads.

In 2010, we need to start a warcry proclaiming our need for sexier photoshoots. For the ladies, show more men laying on unicorns topless. For the men, stop including words in magazines, we just need pictures.

Oh, you want me to talk about Eva? Well she isn’t that bad of an actress. I find that I am usually hit or miss with her in movies. 2 Fast, 2 Furious she wasn’t that good, while in…damn I can’t think of a movie she was good in, but I’m sure one exists. I wonder if you are this good looking do you try to coast on your looks and don’t worry about your acting chops, it would make sense.

Life must be hard when you look at it from that perspective. I’m being serious here, you want to be accepted for your abilities, but all people do is stare at your perfectly shaped breasts. What a tough life. They hand you a million dollars just for smiling. I feel so bad for her.

Who am I kidding? She deserves it, but that doesn’t mean I have to respect her for it. That money should be mine. I am the one putting in the 28 hour years busting my bum trying to make a penny. When is my luck going to change? Probably when I stop looking like I got beat of the head with a chainsaw.

Sunny Leone, the most fully clothed pornstar you will see today

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sunnyleone.jpg

No this isn’t a porn site and you can catch naked celebs elsewhere, but when there is a fully clothed pornstar walking around we have to post about it because that is really big celebrity news. This beauty’s name is Sunny Leone and trust me, I know ALL of her work and I haven’t even seen her with a hair clip until today.

I’m not sure if this is a Halloween picture or not, but it makes you wonder what pornstars go dressed as for Halloween. Do they dress slutty? What would be the fun in that? They dress like that for work and everyday casual use anyways. I’m guessing a ton of them dress like nuns because it is funny and ironic in an Alanis Morrissette kind of way.

Could you date a pornstar? I keep on telling myself that I couldn’t because I like my ego and I think they would crush my ego in ten seconds flat. How would they accomplish that? If I have to tell you then I would be crushing my own ego and that doesn’t make any sense.

Back to Sunny. She is hot. She is fine. She is intelligent. I said that last thing just to make it seem I’m not all about the looks of an individual. You must understand I have been called materialistic and a pig in the past and I am trying my best to shed that image.

Posting pics of pornstars isn’t probably a good way to go about things.