.

Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

I like Shiri Appleby, you will as well

by

Shiri Appleby

I was walking down the street yesterday when I encountered this beauty and I had to find out who she was. Since I didn’t know her name I plugged myself into the Matrix and used the facial recognition search engine and discovered that it was Shiri Appleby. Before I started to write her a personal love letter I needed to find out more about her so I visited her IMDB page and discovered that her resume reads like a list of every show/movie you have never heard of before. I was baffled because such beauty deserves to be in front of a larger audience.

I quickly practiced my jiu-jitsu against Morpheus, broke up with Trinity and increased the size of my muscles so I would be prepared for the epic showdown against the evil Hollywood execs that are looking to hold my dear Shiri back.

They fired bullets at me and I didn’t dodge them because that is completely unrealistic. Instead, I was patient with them and talked to them to try and understand their frustration of life and why they had any hostility towards me. After 30 minutes of talking they finally understood that I wasn’t the enemy, but the guns that were shooting them out into the real world unprepared were. They quickly turned around and started to beat on their oppressors.

Once the execs saw the powers that I possessed they quickly agreed to make Shiri the star of the next Judd Apatow flick and cast her as Wonder Woman, The Nude Era.

This all is true.

Shiri Appleby

Leighton Meester was the Hot Soon to be Forgotten of 2009

by

Leighton Meester

EVERY single time you see a picture of Leighton Meester it has to be her doing something sexy. She stars in Gossip Girl and only does sexy pics. That is a great thing for the public, but a bad thing for her because soon she will see that is all she can do. For this reason I am naming her the Hot Soon to be Forgotten of 2009. Look at her now and bask in her beauty because by this time next year you probably won’t remember her at all.

It’s just the way the pattern goes.

If you don’t believe me, I could prove it to you by naming a ton of ex-celebs that fell into the same trap, but that would require me doing some research because I have forgotten about them. It wouldn’t make sense to be labeled the soon to be forgotten if you are never forgotten don’t you think?

Anyways, she was born in Florida, I was born in Florida and because of this we are destined to meet and make love on the beach. I’m not sure if I will have to wait in line behind a 100 guys to do so, but I also know that it is not my destiny to ignore fate otherwise there would be no coincidence with my karma. That sentence made absolutely no sense, to you. It made perfect sense to me because I have been studying high above the Himalayas the great Zen art of bootyism.

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Amy Adams is the greatest redhead on the planet

by

Amy Adams

It isn’t easy being a natural redhead. You either fall into two camps: 1) hot 2) maybe you should consider being a lesbian. This is what made Lindsay Lohan so appealing, she was an attractive redhead. Now, she is just another trashy blonde. Fortunately, we still have Amy Adams around to keep the redhead interests alive and she doesn’t seem like the type to fall off the horse.

From what I hear she was great in Julie & Julia and has a quirky sense of humor that makes her even more attractive. For this reason I am naming her the greatest redhead on the planet and also because it is hard for me to think of other redheads of significance. Unfortunately, she suffers from the sometime disease. The sometime disease is when a person only looks hot sometimes. These pictures are a great example, she looks gorgeous, but catch her when she doesn’t get done up and you probably wouldn’t give her a second glance.

She starts the new year off with a new movie called Leap Year. I won’t see it and you probably won’t either, but I’m sure it is a quirky romantic comedy where she plays a clumsy, yet lovable person hoping to find her soulmate. I only know this because it is the only role she plays. Some people just have that niche locked down so I can’t blame her. It is like Shia Lebouf always playing the bumbling idiot that says ‘no, no, no’ a hundred times.

Know your strengths and stick with them kids, you will go far.

Selena Gomez finishes the stomping of Miley Cyrus

by

Selena Gomez

The epic showdown between Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus started earlier this month and I figured Selena sealed it with this set of photos. However, she wasn’t finished and a new set of photos have come out which I believe put an definite end to the debate for 2009. Miley has a chance to redeem herself in 2010 when she also turns 18, but it isn’t looking too good for her.

Is there any doubt after you look at this set of pics that Selena is going to grow up to be a pretty classy lady in the same mold as…damn, someone help me think of some classy celebs that exist today. Lindsay Lohan? Ah, how about Natalie Portman, there we go. Hard to say anything bad about her and she stays out of the headlines.

I’m not sure if Selena wishes to have a bigger music or acting career, but either way the future isn’t too bright for her. I only say this because Disney manufactured superstars don’t do well when they break out on their own. Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera seem to be the two exceptions so far, so hopefully Selena follows their trajectories and not the one that Britney laid down.

Just to make it up to Miley in 2010, I will boycott posting any Selena Gomez pictures in January unless it is accompanied by some juicy gossip. That way, Miley has all of January to step up in this epic battle. I wish you luck daughter of the deranged father.

Thora Birch is the WTFChocolateCandy of the Year

by

thorabirch.jpg

First Dave LaChappelle gave us Alyssa Milano cooking nude and now he gives us a strange Thora Birch. It’s not like she wasn’t weird enough already, but I mean these pics put her in a new light. I’m not even sure what happened to her, but maybe having big breasts isn’t all you need to succeed in this world. I’m going to have to look up what she is up to now. Be right back.

Well apparently she is still acting, her upcoming projects include Pregnancy Pat, Cavegirl, and Crossmaglen. Those sound like winners to me. I’m not sure why she doesn’t get the role of Breastgirl in the next Batman movie. You haven’t read the comic with Breastgirl in it? She was Batman’s most horrific foe and almost ended his life by the sheer size of her breasts.

I’m not going to into detail how she almost pulled this off, but if you use your imagination you can come up with the scenario. Just think about milk, a tank filled with sharks and lots of veins showing. Wow, I made myself laugh at that one. That is the true sign of a comedian, the ability to make himself laugh without regarding the sense of humor of the crowd.

If you don’t laugh at my jokes it doesn’t bother me, in fact it only makes me stronger. Like Thora Birch against this bear. She is strong and her hair of wrath will easily defeat the vicious stuffed animal. If you are ever in trouble call TB, she will save you.

thorabirch2.jpg