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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Eva Green knows her fashion

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Eva Green

I’m all for thinking outside the box when it comes to fashion and I even go as far as to support the Lady GaGa fetish at times, but this shouldn’t be the case when it comes to the classy ladies. I’m not even sure Eva Green is classy, but she certainly played the role well in Casino Royale so I am bound to believe that all celebrities are exact matches of the characters they play on screen. If this isn’t the truth then I ask that you do not let me know otherwise because my world will come crashing down.

Was there a point to these shoes? There has to be some story behind it. Either the outfit she was supposed to wear with them wasn’t cutting it or she couldn’t find the right shoes for her outfit and her assistant gave her a pair of her college daughter’s prank shoes.

Either way I would love to hear the reasoning behind the selection because although I am the smartest man in the world this does not entitle me to knowing everything under the sun. Don’t believe for a minute though that you can keep up with my knowledge. Eva tried that once and I left her Green with envy. Get it? Even my sense of humor is above and beyond reproach. You liked that I used that word didn’t you? That is what happens when you hold the entire Dictionary in your head.

Camille Guaty is your Hot Unknown of the day

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Okay, first of all can you believe she is 31? She doesn’t even look close to that, but that is the beauty of being healthy. Yes, I was going to say something else, but felt it might have been racially insensitive, although it was true, so I kept it low key. Certain races just don’t age well, but I’m not going to call out any names Eskimos. Now back to Camille.

Doesn’t she have the cutest dimples ever? You don’t usually see those on women, but I can definitely get used to them. What other celebs have them because none come to mind. Jennifer Garner maybe? I think she does, but nothing like the ones that Camille is sporting.

If you were wondering where you have seen her before then you don’t have to worry anymore because she hasn’t been in anything worth watching. Why else do you think I called her the hot unknown of the day? You realize though what happens when I write about a celeb on this site though right? They end up having the #1 movie in America. Where is my royalty check people?

Hook it up.

Amanda Seyfried owns the #1 movie in America

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I’ve clowned on Lindsay Lohan. I’ve clowned on Rachel McAdams. I’ve clowned on Lacey Chabert. Now I have to stop clowning on Amanda Seyfried for a while because she toppled Avatar to claim the number one spot in the box office this past weekend. The one mean girl from Mean Girls that absolutely nobody in their right mind had any interest in is now more successful than the three hotter ones.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

The actress who co-starred alongside Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body, which was easily one of the top 10 worst films of all time has the #1 movie in America.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Ladies, if this doesn’t upset you then you need to consider this. She got to makeout with Tatum (that would be the hunky costar in the movie) for over three months while you had to deal with your worthless man or even worse being single. This bug-eyed chick just out gamed you. Try to sleep well at night with that on your conscience.

On the real though, props to you Amanda. You seem like a nice enough chick so I don’t want to take your glory, but if you can actually pull off another #1 hit I might go hit the slots and throw $1,000 in them to see what happens.

Eva Longoria knows the right pose

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Posing in a magazine is a fine art, but once you do it long enough you start to learn the exact pose you should do at the right time. When you are wearing a dress, you should always sit Indian style. That is your winning pose right there. It isn’t a secret that only some people know. It’s a secret that only I know and have now shared with you. Not only did I show you a hot pic of Eva Longoria, but I gave you the secret to success when posing in magazines.

You would think that this site has become an advice column or something, but it will never be something. It will always be everything. If everything includes an advice column then so be it because I am here to help each and every one of you out in the long term. You are my babies and I want to cradle you against my breast. Let us stay warm during this cold winter season.

Oh yeah, back to Eva. I tend to stray away from the celebrities that I am writing about I need to stop doing that. Maybe next entry I can focus less on me and more on them. However, it’s not like they need more attention poured on them. If anything I am doing society a favor, but nobody wants to give me the key to the city. Instead they want me to write more and I sit there thinking why? Why do I continue to torture myself constantly day after day?

Damn, there I go talking about myself again. Till next entry folks…

Amber Tamblyn is keeping her clothes on

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Nothing like seeing your favorite General Hospital actress staring at you with her top sliding down her shoulder. That is what I always imagined would happen to me on a Monday. I never really thought my dreams would come true, but they have. What a great gift before Valentine’s Day.

Do you think I should ask Amber if she wants to be my Valentine? You think she would say yes? I think she would. I mean she was in the Grudge 2. Did you see that movie? The first one was hard enough to watch so you can only imagine how the second one was going to be. After that pit stain of a movie you know she doesn’t have suitors lined up to take her out so I am volunteering. Of course with the sweet paycheck she earned from the movie she can take me out. We will go to a fondue place and eat bread with cheese.

That is how the fancy people do in this world and they always seem happy. Not saying I want to be fancy, I just want to be happy and I think I can be happy with Amber. A wild guess for sure, but it’s more of a guess than you ever showed. That is what separates me from you. I pretend that these celebrities read what I write and care while you just read about them and go on about your day.

Doesn’t make you special. Okay, maybe it does. Congratulations.