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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Something something Anne Hathaway something something

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Anne Hathaway

Great actress. Pretty. Not too smart though, which she made apparent with the boyfriend who committed about 50 felonies. Guy was rich though so maybe I shouldn’t blame her for that. Okay, I won’t blame her for that.

This year she stars in Valentine’s Day and Alice In Wonderland. No doubt both will be hits because they have some big names behind them. I couldn’t date her though. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night not because she is sexy, but because she is so pale it would be like having a permanent night light.

This video just shows she really isn’t very funny so maybe you shouldn’t watch it. She has good intentions though, which might be the only thing that matters.

Okay I can’t try to run from it, why is she so pale? I mean has she tried to tan at all? Not saying she should, but she might be the type that simply can’t tan at all. That would be weird wouldn’t it? You go out in the sun and you either stay white or turn red. There is no middle ground. None. I mean skin cancer isn’t really a color is it? That is probably a good reason why you can’t go out in the sun. Okay, I forgive you Anne.

Stay under the covers though.

Heidi Montag Loves Plastic Surgery, Get Out!

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Heidi Montag plastic surgery

If you follow the gossip sites then you might have noticed a lack of Speidi lately. That would be Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of course. You would think with Christmas and New Years happening that they would plaster themselves all over the place. Apparently though they haven’t because Heidi has been too busy putting herself under the knife. The story is in the latest People:

At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day.

“For the past three years, I’ve thought about what to have done,” the reality star tells PEOPLE. “I’m beyond obsessed.”

And so, on Nov. 20, Montag’s total transformation began. Keeping even her family in the dark, the starlet chronicled every painful moment of recovery and her journey to become “the best me.”

10 surgeries in one day. I don’t get it, she wasn’t half-bad in the first place. I can understand the breast implants because they can help boost a woman’s confidence, but chin, nose and other stuff as well? And now she is addicted? She is already teetering on the Michael Jackson edge of sanity with this stuff and hopefully some doctor steps in and says he just won’t do it because this is about to get out of hand.

Wait, am I worried about her? She annoys the hell out of me and anything that comes out of her mouth is about as intelligent as ALF speaking to you through his ass. However, anytime you see stupidity happening in front of you it is natural to try and prevent it. Unless it is dinner time, then it simply has to wait.

Lea Michele, I mean this, I love you

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Lea Michele is pretty

I love you. I know you are my soulmate. Marry me or at the very least let us date so we can get to know each other then we can get married before Glee resumes in April. I want you to sing to me constantly. I don’t even want you to speak, every conversation with me should be a song. You can dance around as much as you want. I will cook, clean and pay the…nah, you can pay the bills, you are making the bread. I will watch the kids.

We are meant for each other. Attractive people, but only really attractive because we have large noses that on other people would make them look hideous. It’s our destiny to be together. Your love for Finch is superficial, my love for you is real. I will prove it by saying it in this sentence. There is no truer form of love than that and I’m sure someone as intelligent as yourself understands that.

You wear skirts constantly which has always been a requirement for my future wife. You smile all the time even when people are funny. And you have the greatest eyes in the world right after Natalie Portman. If you feel these are superficial compliments then please recognize that I am only superficial on the inside. On the outside I am pure and genuine.

I look forward to your response.

Kisses.

Eva Mendes, Pleeeeease Stick to Modeling

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Eva Mendes Calvin Klein

When I last spoke about Eva Mendes I didn’t have too many nice things to say about her acting. I’m sticking to that and suggesting that she take up a career as a professional model. Screw the acting game because to put it bluntly, she is a much better model than she is actor.

These pics aren’t even the spicy ones, but I can’t post those because my boss won’t give them to me. He is in the back room using them to build a shrine or something, I don’t know what he does back there. All I know is that there are a weird noises that come from that place every time he goes back there. It gives me nightmares.

If you look at her resume on IMDB you can see that as time goes on, she is casted in less and less stuff. I guess I’m not the only one that notices that her looks trump everything else. This isn’t something she should be ashamed of, she needs to embrace the hotness and make the most of it while she can. It won’t last forever, ask Madonna, Meg Ryan and Cat lady.

Now I have to ask if women even wear Calvin Klein jeans. I thought they were geared towards men and if they are, seeing a hot pic of Eva Mendes isn’t going to convince me to wear them. Not when she looks better in them than I do.

I wish I was Johnny Depp

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Johnny Depp

There are very few men I wish I could be. The list is extremely short and includes Jesus, Zeus, Poseidon and Johnny Depp. Nobody hates him, every woman wants him and he gets to show up to awards show in torn up jeans and a jacket and people say he is classy. Amazing. I could wear a tux and people would wonder if I am a homeless person.

“The Pirates of the Caribbean” star Johnny Depp has been named the best actor of the decade at the annual People’s Choice Awards.

“The only reason that any of us are up here is because of you,” he told fans after accepting the award.”It has been quite an amazing decade and an incredible ride, and I sincerely thank all of you for bestowing on me all your great treasures,” he added.

The award is decided by an online poll and in the past 10 years, Depp has received maximum votes for being favourite actor. He made it big as Captain Jack Sparrow in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series and later consolidated his position with the movies like “Sweeney Todd” and “Finding Neverland”.
India Times

Never mind, I hate this guy.

Johnny Depp