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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

MrAlmostWrong

Christine Lakin used to be the tomboy named Al

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Christine Lakin

If you were born in the 80s then you are well aware of TGIF on ABC. You remember the show Step-By-Step? They had a hottie daughter named Al that you knew when she grew up would be a bombshell. Well ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Al. Here, let me put this into perspective for you again.

Lakin

Not sure that will ring any bells for you, but it seems to prove how much of a genius I was back in the days. If you read my offline journal in 1993 you would know that I proclaimed that Lakin would grow up to be a stunner, but not really a superstar. I was dead on so much in fact that I am scared that the other things I wrote about the rest of the cast will come true.

Either way it’s good to see some D-list teenage stars not succumb to the pressures of stardom and grow up to be semi-normal. I’m looking at you children of ALF.

The Unknown Hottie of the Day: Sarah Carter

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Sarah Carter

I’ve seen her twice, once was in Entourage where she ended up doing a threesome with Turtle and Drama. Next time I saw her was in Dead or Alive which I highly recommend to anyone that has a passion for cheesy fight movies. It isn’t bad or anything, just what you would expect from a cheesy fight movie with a ton of hot women playing volleyball. That is right, I said volleyball.

Oh and they fight with each other. Sometimes in the rain. Women in wet clothes fighting. And they play volleyball. Now you will run out and find this movie as soon as possible.

Back to Sarah. She has been in CSI:NY for a spell and that sums up her major contributions to the entertainment industry. As I have done with the other unknowns I will send her career into the stratosphere. Some call me a super agent. Others call me a being from another planet. I just call myself an angel of good sent down from the movie heavens to bring joy to all that deserve it.

Either way don’t try to stop me from my mission or I will own you like no other person has owned an individual before. I’m talking ownage on a scale never before seen. That is what I do and that is how I shall remain. Try and stop me.

The Rest of Lindsey Vonn

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Lindsey Vonn

Last week I teased you with a photo of Lindsey Vonn in her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit debut. Today I am feeling very generous and decided that I should give you more of the photos. I don’t think it is all of them, but once you start to see one type you have seen them all. Okay, that was a lie.

Now I hate myself for saying something like that. Never allow me to be so silly again because who knows what natural disasters it will cause.

Lindsey is injured for the Winter Olympics, but it looks like she is going to tough it out and compete. Hopefully she wins gold so that the only piece of clothing is the gold medal. Okay that was very shallow of me to say and I know better. I need to treat celebrities with more respect because I am a honorable person that was raised by many great samurai. These samurai taught me how to hunt salmon in the great lake Ishitawa.

You think hunting salmon is easy? Little did you know that they are the most vicious of animals. You get a thousand of them on you and you will see what happens. It’s bad news buddy let me tell you.

Anyways, here is more Lindsey. Get your Vonn on.

Rachel Bilson is Saucy

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Rachel Bilson

I’m just going to come out and say it, but how hot would it be if this was her high school yearbook photo? It would be the prototypical band nerd that nobody pays attention to, but is secretly hot cliche. How many movies have played off of that cliche now? I’m going with at least 17, which would be an ironic number if that is the case.

Rachel reminds me a lot of Mila Kunis because of her stature and the exotic look that she has, but she doesn’t seem to have the same acting chops as Mila. Hopefully she gets a bit more experience in larger roles so that we can see if she really has the stuff.

A big downer for her is that she is engaged to Hayden Christensen. Yes, the guy that ruined Star Wars for a new generation. The man who made Darth Vader a sniveling little punk. It was bad.

Another fun fact about her is that when she was 14, she got into a head on collision with some of her brother’s friends and was unconscious for a number of days. Because of the accident she now suffers from migraines and occasional memory loss which completely explains why she is dating Hayden. She doesn’t even remember what he did to Darth Vader. Well played sir, well played.

Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel and Anne Hathaway, I Choose None

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Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel

Here you have three actresses that the majority of men on planet Earth would love to get with, but it seems that none of them do anything for me in the regards that they should. Not sure if they were trying to not outshine each other, but what happened to a little friendly competition among enemies? Seriously, do any of them stand out to you as stunners? If so don’t let me know because I might be missing something here.

I won’t even bother to comment on the Biel’s dress. This woman has been a fashion disaster all year and has completely lost all sexual appeal to me. Garner is probably the best looking of the three here, which is amazing because three years ago she would’ve been the worst. Anne is just being Anne. Sometimes she has number one stunner days and other days she is plain Jane.

If you didn’t guess it already they are promoting their new movie Valentine’s Day which opened at #1 because it has over 95% of Hollywood in it apparently. Of all the movie strategies that I have heard of in my life this is probably the greatest one yet. Give everyone that you know a cameo and make sure they are in the credits and their fans will show up to see it.

I think they tried that strategy in adult movies one time and it just ended up being a complete mess. Not that I saw it or anything, I just heard the rumors on the street.