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Celebrific

Tracking Celebrities in Their Native Habitat

Allison

Was it really ‘So NoTORIous’? Tori Spelling & Her VH1 Endeavor

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Tori Spelling McDonalds.jpgWell, there it was.  Sunday, VH1.  Tori Spelling has us wondering, “Did we really peg her wrong?  Is she just the unwitting product of a superficial wealthy Beverly Hills family that has a lot to offer the acting community?”  Answer is- no, not really.

Tori Spelling’s not-so-fictional sitcom ‘So NoTORIous’ aired last night to an anxious and awaiting audience.  Was it going to flop?  Was she going to release the giant boobies from hell and devour a nation with her imperfect diction?  Yes. 

‘So NoTORIous’ left us all accepting that Tori is indeed the end product of spoiling-gone-bad and beyond.  From dressing up her pug pooch Mimi La Rue in posh little outfits, being ignored by her eBay-shopaholic mother- played by Loni Anderson, to communicating with her father only by speakerphone, it’s no wonder NBC scratched the sitcom.

NBC developed the show and then rejected the monster after its creation, sending it to live with the other shut-outs at VH1 who went after it tooth-and-nail. 

It looks like Tori is going to try and tackle Scientology on the next show, I guess it’s the next best thing for Tori than tackling “religious” spokesman Tom Cruise himself.  Tune in next Sunday and see what antics ensue, me I’d rather push my face down a disposal full of boiled, turned okra.

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Naomi Campbell- Deny, Deny, Deny

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Naomi Campbell Needs a Smack.jpgAhh, the old ‘deny, deny, deny’ trick, an oldie but a goodie.  Superfreak Naomi Campbell denies hurling her cell phone at her assistant last Thursday, despite the fact that the “victim” received treatment for four stitches to the back of her head at nearby NYC’s Lenox Hill Hospital. 

Naomi faces seven years jail time, I can’t imagine that those years would be pretty for her, after being charged with assault in a New York City Court.  Campbell denies the charge and says it was “falsely” brought against her as a revenge for sacking the same employee earlier Thursday.  Naomi calms our prevalent fears saying, “I am fine.  The police have been really nice.  It won’t be the first time I have been extorted.”  She must have left out, “Or the first time I had to hit the bitch.”

The judge assigned to Campbell’s case put up a bail of $3500, all Naomi could apparently afford after all her run-ins with the law, and demanded that she reappear in court this June where she will answer to her charge of felony assault. 

And still Naomi Campbell remains employed by fashion designers everywhere.  Can I get a job like that?  Beat up on my assistants, be on constant terms with the police and say I’m being extorted and still be able to show up to work the next day?!  That’s pretty sweet, must be what Pete Doherty enjoys every day.

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David & Pamela Hasselhoff Divorce at an End?

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David & Pamela Hasselhoff.jpgAre Dave & Pam finally ready to move on?  The bitter divorce between David & Pamela Hasselhoff which has seen its fair share of domestic violence allegations and restraining orders may be close to an end.  It looks like both parties are agreeing to the terms reached in their divorce settlement.  David will be carted off to Germany to live out his days with a house of six sexy frauleins and Pamela will have her own reality TV show, “My Life with David- Living with the Ape Man”.

TMZ.com has allegedly obtained court documents which include David Hasselhoff’s lawyer, Marci Levine, stating in an email, “We believe that we may have reached a full resolution of the custody and visitation issue and are in the process of preparing a formal judgment.”

The memo asks that all restraining orders and ape hair removal regiments to stay in effect for the time being.  The former Baywatch star, David Hasselhoff is to “remove his personal effect from the family residence” on April 19, provided that there is a “neutral, third party present at the exchange”.

So, now that we have the kids worked out, what about the property settlement?  Man, are we going to have to go through this mess again?  One thing’s for sure, I know Pamela will be happy to start taking down all those tacky posters of David from the early years.  What was he thinking?  Hairy speedo ape man & the naked with shar peis poster?  The guy clearly has issues, or his agent does.

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Sharon Stone is a Sexy Old Lady & ‘Basic Instinct 2’ is a Silly Old Film

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Basic Instinct 2.jpgWell folks, when RottenTomatoes gives a film the ‘ROTTEN’ rating, you have to believe it’s true- but that did not stop me from seeing Michael Caton-Jones’s Basic Instinct 2 in the theatre this weekend, though it should have.

The sequel to the long-loved 1992 Basic Instinct that starred Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone, failed to live up to the original film’s clarity and left the audience soft and wanting more.  Pulp author Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) is once again a suspect in a murder, this time in London.  David Morrissey, who plays the leading man Dr. Michael Glass, is called in to interrogate the femme fatale Stone. 

Through scenes of driving off a bridge just to achieve orgasm, horribly over-the-top dialogue, gratuitous nudity and Stone’s disdain for underwear, the film entices yet does not deliver.  Rent a porn, you’ll have a better, if not a more private, time. 

To quote Matt Pais from the ‘Chicago Tribune’, “Stone’s physique has resisted sagging but the film droops immediately.”

Despite the film’s disappointment, Stone remains an interesting individual in my eye.  In a recent ABC story, Stone is drawn as a sexy, vibrant and brave woman.  At 48 years old, Sharon Stone emits a strong sexuality that few women half her age achieve. 

When asked by reporters she, at the age of 48, would want to appear in Basic Instinct 2 completely naked she stated, “I thought it would be intriguing to do the nudity in a way that is just quite brazen.  People are going to have this moment where they think, ‘Oh, she’s not 20 and naked.  She’s 40-something and naked and what do I think about that?’  Because we’re not used to seeing that in movies.”

The first Basic Instinct was filmed over 14 years ago and was a racy film to hit theaters, but Stone wanted to push the envelope a little bit more this go-round.  “I wanted a lot of sex in the sequel, and I wanted more nudity.  I was coming from a really kinky place.”  Can I come visit this place with you, Sharon?

So, I’ll keep Stone and you can drive the Basic Instinct 2 flop of a film off a cliff and see if it can then cause a rise in our pants.

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Sharon Stone & Her Basic Instincts

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Scary Sharon Stone.bmpI checked out Defamer’s Sharon Stone post today which made me crack a few laughs.  In honor of Basic Instinct 2 appearing in theatres this weekend, enjoy this little post to get your excitement and anticipation going.

“In honor of Sharon Stone’s courageous contribution to the pantheon of ridiculously bad movies gay men will quote frequently, we offer a round-up of today’s scathing Basic Instinct 2 reviews :

“· “It should come as no surprise that “Basic Instinct 2,” the long-gestating follow-up to Paul Verhoeven’s 1992 blip on the zeitgeist screen, is a disaster of the highest or perhaps lowest order. ” [NY Times]
· “At this point, there are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference? “Basic Instinct 2″ is not an erotic thriller. It’s taxidermy.” [NY Post]
· “What we may very well be looking at here is another “Showgirls,” a drag camp-fest for the “Baby Jane” crowd, fabulous fodder for future cabaret acts, and a pleasure probably best enjoyed in a crowd — preferably a vocal one.” [LAT]
· “The plot has no credibility. The goings-on are not suspenseful, despite a series of gory slayings.” [USA Today]
· “Absurdly overheated and unforgivably dull, “Basic Instinct 2″ is the accidental comedy sensation of the year to date, and while some of the people involved seem to be in on the joke, director Michael Caton-Jones isn’t one of them.” [Boston Globe]
· “It doesn’t help that co-star Morrissey — who serves as the audience point of view and has most of the screen time — is a charisma-challenged non-entity. Clearly, the producers could not induce a male star of any stature to take on the thankless role.” [Seattle PI]
· “Where is the suspense part? There is no suspense part. Suspense demands clarity of motive and action, and this screenplay never provides it.” [Washington Post]””

Wishing you all good weekends full of fun and lacking stabbing ice picks.  See you Monday with my own Instinct review & the Sharon Stone is a Sexy Old Lady post.

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